I used to be an “all or nothing” kind of person. I wouldn’t just have a crush, I would fall madly in love. I wouldn’t just get drunk, I would get White Girl Wasted. I smoked a pack a day. I loved a lot of things with passion and had Many Opinions on things that only mattered to me. I hated a lot of things with fervent hatred and had Many Opinions on why they were The Worst Things Ever.
Then one day, I realized that these extremes were damaging to my health. I had A Moment of Clarity that revealed that I could just like things or not care about things. I quit smoking. I kept my White Girl Wasted down to once or twice a year. I found new interests that weren’t all consuming. I stopped trying to make people love me.
I still fall hard for people, I still get carried away. But I’m smart about it. I use my powers of self-restraint to not be a hot mess of a shitshow. I have learned that I can do everything I want to, pretty much when I want to, and I have the ability to pull myself back from any brink by practicing moderation.
Most importantly, I stopped trying to manage what people thought of me. I am too cute, smart, and funny to be treated as the alternative to nothing better to do.