Embrace your differences & the qualities about you that you think are weird. Eventually they’re going to be the only things separating you from everyone else.
Sebastian Stan
I know this for sure. The stuff that makes me weird are the things that make me different. As I’m known for saying,
Like caviar and anal sex, I’m not for everybody.
I’ve been told my whole life that I’m too much, too loud, and too quick to jump in with both feet. I’m too dark, too smart, and I share too much information about myself. I don’t know how to act like the middle-aged woman I am. I have always been exhausting, intolerable, and impossible to deal with.
I still, from time to time, fall into the trap of believing that these are terrible things about me. Then I remember My People. My loved ones know this shit about me and do not give a rat’s ass. They love me for *exactly* who I am. I have built Team Lori from scratch since 2003. There have been some wins, some losses, some people who have been with me since the day they wandered into my life, some people who made the team who actually wanted to change me, and some people who initially thought they were with me but then peaced out when they really weren’t at this level.
And there were magnificent arseholes who just did not give a shit about me and confused all of my Too Much as weakness.
I learned a long time ago that it’s okay that some people don’t like me. This is not a reason to make myself small to fit into their life. I learned that what other people say about me is none of my business. I found that I was much happier when I stayed who I am. But recently I’ve learned that even toning myself down to make myself easier to digest doesn’t feel right either. I can stay for hours with my personality at 2 or 3 but my nearest and dearest need to be able to handle extended periods of me at 8 or 9. And if they can’t, they aren’t Team Lori. I want to be some people’s favourite, not everyone’s “meh, she’s okay”.
I’m okay with that. And I’m okay with not being okay sometimes.