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One thing I battle (without honour or humanity) is being proactive. I bitch and moan about my life not turning out like I planned all the time. The problem with this problem is that I’ve never had a plan.

I’ve fallen into every job I’ve ever had. I’ve never really planned where I would live, how I would live there, and who I would live with.

It’s always sort of been a situation where I would be confronted with change and I’ve either rolled with it or ran. I’ve never had goals or an actionable plan for my life.

I don’t have a grand purpose or awe-inspiring passions. There’s just a list of things I do because if I don’t do them, my mental health suffers. I’ve barely looked at any of those things in the better part of two years, and boy does it show.

Aimless drifting from one set of circumstances to the next is how I’ve gotten here. It feels like being stuck in the deepest of ruts and I feel that in my bones.

Where do I go from here?

To say I’ve created a plan is giving myself too much credit for what is actually an unprioritized list of projects and actions. I have some idea of what I could do and glimpses of knowing what I like to do. I even have moments of clarity where I know what I want to do.

But (and there’s always a but) I never seem to care long enough or hard enough to follow through. If what I need today (or any day) matters to someone other than me, it gets done. If I’m the only one it matters to, it’s probably not happening today, if ever.

How do I start giving a fuck about my own life?

That’s the question I keep asking myself. I’ve never received a satisfactory answer. The gist of the advice I’ve encountered on this comes down to one thing…

If I don’t give a fuck about my life, certainly no one else will. This isn’t some kind of dramatic “nobody loves me” attention seeking flouncing about. No one will care because no one will know what I’m doing if I don’t tell anyone.

LoriKidwell.com is my way of telling people who might care about what I’m doing. Ultimately, my idea is to build a community of love, support, and encouragement for me and the rest of my weirdos.

My truths going forward:

When you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten.

Repeat something long enough and it will become true.

Don’t go out in the world alone. Hold hands and stick together when you do.

When making (or dealing with) change in your life, what’s your truth? Would you share it with me?

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