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“Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to have sex with someone who is covered from head to toe in an industrial grade insect repellent, but I have some tips. A) don’t kiss any exposed skin other than the mouth, B) make sure that all the necessary body parts required for sexual relations were covered up by clothing at the time of DEET application, and C) make sure that you wait for an hour or two after application before attempting sexual relations.

The taste of DEET in your mouth is not one that will leave you for a while, even with the steady application of Canadian rye whiskey. Incidental contact to your more sensitive areas is… not pleasant. Just trust me on all of this and mind the three tips above and you will be okay. Or better yet, don’t have sex in the back of pickup trucks where there are mosquitos. Then you’ll never go through all that.”

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