Posted on

I believe that as long as I’m not directly harming another human being, that’s ethical enough. I believe that love is not enough, but that there’s a difference between being committed and being obligated. I believe in Inbox Zero. I believe the death penalty is wrong in all circumstances… I believe in moderation in everything, including moderation. I believe that you don’t need to have god to be good. I believe you can be an even better person without god.

I believe that being outside is not a good place for me. I believe that I would rather be alive right now than at any other time in history. I believe we’ll have plenty of chances to put ourselves on the line to fight for what is right, and I hope I will stand on the right side of history. I believe that I will die someday, but I am afraid of dying and having had no reason for being here. I believe in love’s capacity to heal wounds temporarily. I believe that my mind gets stuck on things at times because I think that the internet might have the ability to solve the problem.

I believe in sushi for breakfast and cereal for dinner. I believe that Kentucky bourbon is in all ways superior to Tennessee bourbon. I believe fighting should be banned from all levels of hockey. I didn’t use to believe this, but I now believe that voting should be mandatory. I believe that young women today have a much better shot at healthier relationships than my generation. I believe my mother was completely unprepared to teach me to navigate the world as it was in the late 80s/early 90s. I believe that I fail myself on a regular basis because I ended up somewhere I don’t want to be. I believe that making choices based on the best of intentions is the stupidest idea ever.

I believe that providing regular orgasms can forgive a multitude of sins. I believe that in finding my voice there will be a lot of people who wish I would shut the fuck up. I believe that common curse words are not, in actuality, profane… I believe that most salad dressing is the work of the devil particularly those that are mayonnaise-based. I believe that caffeine is a sign that the natural world doesn’t always want to end your life. I believe that most people don’t want to harm others but they’re thoughtless and selfish. I believe bacon is the candy of meats and that the pigs I enjoy eating should have better lives before they become tasty.

I believe that we should stop being dicks to each other. I believe the universe bends toward chaos. I believe stand-up comedy is an art when it’s done well. I believe that people who think they should get a line-item veto of various governmental budgets are generally assholes. I believe that it’s difficult for me to say that I didn’t end up where I planned when I really didn’t have a plan at all, but I never imagined where I am as being on the list of available options. I believe that good character is more desirable than a great personality.

“I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.