“My best friend had a crush on you because you had the legs and thighs of a cyclist. I appreciated that you would shave your legs despite modern conventions and proper expressions of manly-manliness to be the best cyclist you could be. In a world full of hockey players, you were a distraction in early-90s colour patterned spandex. I don’t know if you and my friend ever did hook up, but if you had I’m sure I would’ve heard about it because she was the kind of girl who needs to turn every fuck into an engagement. Or at the very least, turn every fuck into a very meaningful relationship.”