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“Two summers ago, I turned 40, opened the door to middle age, fully accepted that I would never be cool again until my early 90s (a la Betty White) and realized that everyone who is an adult is faking the shit out of that…

I stopped trying to make people like me and started being “social me”. That’s the version of me who swears in public, likes 21+ activities, is cynical and realistic, and knows that my flirting with boys in public days are over. Some people really dig that version of me, and that’s the most lived-in version of me I’ve got…

There’s a version of me who can learn to do anything except surgery or engineering. Give me less time than you think and the resources to create a step-by-step workflow and knowledge of common deviances from that norm and I can do whatever it is you need me to do. There’s a version of me who can’t get out of bed in the morning. There’s a version of me who can’t fall asleep at night. There’s a version of me who operates under a scorched earth policy and a version who makes friends for lives. There’s a version of me who can’t do simple things like drive a car, grocery shop, or keep my house clean. There is a version of me who realizes that I am just too old for “that shit”, another version who thinks that I could maybe get away with some of “that shit” once or twice a year, and a version of me that wants that version of me to shut the fuck up.

All of these versions of me are adults.”

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