“Mindfulness reminds me that the last place I want to be is in the here and now. I hate the present tense of my life. I feel sick in this skin, in this place, in this moment. Every attempt I make at changing my present circumstances feels like arm flailing panic in a desperate attempt to outrun a bullet. The future holds more promise. I need to believe this because I will die if it doesn’t. My chest crushes in anxiety at the thought of there being no hope for something better. Something better that is far, far from here.”