“When I don’t write for a while I lose my ability to forget the shame I’m supposed to have in my story. Lying. Cheating. Stealing. Drug use. Alcohol issues. Teen pregnancy. Early marriage. Quick divorce. More alcohol issues. More drug issues. Dysfunctional relationships. Abusive relationships. Unemployment. Lack of education. Ignorance. Being petty and catty. Being an enemy to most women. All of these things conspire at times to keep me from putting words down on the page.
In working out a memoir this shame leaves the words stuck in my fingers. The shame keeps my wrists aching and my chest heavy. The fear and regret of the past keep me from telling how I remember it. The truth will be disputed by both the innocent and the guilty. I make sure that I never tell a story just to build myself up at the expense of tearing another person down. When I say someone hurt me, I attempt to find empathy for that person without forgetting that person is not to be trusted. I can also remind myself of when I hurt them if that is the case. I never want to be the heroine of my own story.”